Censorship

What we say at any given moment, especially when we are emotional, speaks volumes about who we are. In the same way, what we choose to omit while we are talking at any given moment, especially when we are upset, also speaks volumes about who we are. Our manner of talking--the diction we choose, the syntax, tone and intonation we use reflect the state of our hearts as well as our character and personality. It is important that we are aware of the words we choose to say and the tone of voice we use because if we are not it is easy for us to hurt others. Good communication is essential for successful relationships. Therefore, it is imperative that we practice our communication skills as much as possible, specifically in a community setting such as the dormitories.

Recently, I unintentionally hurt two of my friends friends through the tone of voice I was using, which was quite harsh, and through my sense of humor. I enjoy making people smile and laugh, however I was told that I joke around too often. I was also told that my sense of humor is too confusing, in other words, the person cannot distinguish between when I am simply joking and when I am serious. Another friend of mine brought to my attention that I should be aware of my audience when using certain types of humor. This friend also reminded me that I sometimes use my sense of humor as a defense mechanism to cover up how I truly feel, whether it's pain or frustration.

After hurting these two friends of mine I became acutely aware of just how much I need to work on responding instead of reacting. These past few weeks have been quite rough on me; a lot of memories and emotions have been stirred in my heart. I have been feeling more vulnerable, fragile and exposed as things I have not yet dealt with [fully] have resurfaced ever since we've been confronting our issues of the heart during class. For these reasons I have been wrestling with myself; I have been struggling to not give into my old mindset, push people away and close my heart. When it comes to dealing with and resolving the issues of my heart, I am the character, Much Afraid from the book Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard.